Yes! You can look like me! 🧑🍳
Kid questions, charity auctions and live drawing sessions.
Charity auction for LA and live drawing for kids information at the end.
Kids.
One of my favorite parts of being a children’s author is answering questions from kids. I also like the money part.
Here are the questions I’m asked most frequently:
Where do you get your ideas?
What was the name of your first book?
How many books have you made?
Do you have a dog?
My cousin has a dog.
Assuming God exists, why is there so much suffering in the world?
What is your favorite color?
Wouldn’t everyone be happier if you were Sergio Ruzzier?
Given the stresses and demands of the fast-paced world of children’s publishing, how do you find time to maintain your pudding-like physique and fragile emotional state?
Kids, right?
The answer to all those questions is my new brand of supplements tailored to the individual physiology and fitness goals of the user. As long as the user is me.
As a perk of reading this far, I’ll reluctantly share the recipe. You’ll look like me in time to wear a shame t-shirt at the beach.
Okay.
Go to Staples and get a giant plastic barrel of cheese balls. They’re in the back near the plastic wet floor signs and giant bales of bubble wrap.
Eat the cheese balls until you feel sick. Then go another 15 minutes because you’re not a quitter.
Pour a couple boxes of Cookie Crisp cereal in the barrel with the remaining cheese balls. Give it a good shake. Cookie Crisp is the nutritional loophole that allows you to eat cookies and cloyingly sweet cereal at same time.
A simple way to eat healthy is to choose foods in a rainbow of colors. Add a bag of peanut M&M’s to the cheese balls and cookie seeds. This addition makes our supplement part of the Mediterranean Diet.
Here is the Instagram account for M&M’s in Greece as science proof.
Everyone agrees that fish are gross, but they contain omega 3 fatty acids which is an important part of something good for your health.
As I workaround I use Swedish Fish. You get the omega 3’s and socialized medicine without a gross fish taste in your mouth.
Plus they’re red, so they also count as a fruit. Which is true as long as you don’t google it.
Onto the branding.
How about a sciency name?
Mitochondria! The powerhouse of the cell!
That’s great if your target market is Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Fenyman or behavioral psychologist BF Skinner, but that high-level science jargon will just confuse and anger the rubes.
I went with something more relatable to the Joe Rogan set.
Perfect for when we go into production, but I’m not paying a premium for world class typography, marketing mumbo jumbo and a fancy, professional illustration.
Here’s version B, for smart people. It probably has the same active ingredients.
The best part? I skipped the costly third party testing so I can pass the savings onto you. There’s not a thing the FDA can say about it.
A healthy lifestyle takes more than advanced supplements probably made with AI. It’s up to you to make consistent healthy choices to maintain… I don’t know, I’m bored of this now.
Anyway, put your new supplements by the cookie jar for more mindful snacking. Eating a bowl of supplements alongside your cookies sounds like a sensible thing a health-conscious person would do.
Be well.
Kidlit for LA Charity Auction
There is an auction to help people affected by the fires in LA. You can bid on a pre-release copy of Bearsuit Turtle and a sweet little painting.
Here is the auction for the book and art
You can also bid on a virtual visit from me. The idea is for a classroom, but if a rich person wants to hang out for 45 minutes and talk about our favorite TV shows or whatever, that’s fine too.
Here is the auction for a Bob Shea™ virtual visit
Bob Shapes Drawing Club Live!
I’d like to start doing some live events with my Bob Shape chums. What would be a good after school time for you guys? I plan on going live on YouTube.
Need to join the club and get your own Bob Shapes? Join here!
Just what I needed today. Thank you.
Thanks, Bob!