How to write a runaway smash hit song and never work again. 🍪🍦 😥
Also, dealing with feeling powerless.
Free million dollar song idea, dealing with an ocean of suffering, help for self-employed creatives, Bearsuit Turtle 2.
I wrote my musician son a song and he doesn’t want it. You guys can have it.
My son Ryan is a talented musician and songwriter. His newly released indie rock album features catchy hooks, thoughtful lyrics and is on a loop in my head. One of my favorite tracks is,“Derivative” which he assures me isn’t about my career.
Or you can buy it here on Bandcamp.
I am incredibly proud of my son, but his album will never catch on. As good as it sounds, it lacks a youth-affirming summer anthem designed to catch fire in the pop charts.
Fortunately, his father is a very talented writer.
Ready?
GOOD TIMES AND HIGH FIVES
VERY GOOD MUSIC PLAYS. DRUMS MAYBE?
Cruisn’ round town with the top down!
Cruising is teen slang for “driving” and “top down” suggests a convertible of some type. “Round,” “Town,” and “Down” all rhyme, so it’s a non-stop party right out of the gate.
Picking up Skeet at the end of his shift!
Toss his tool box and thermos in the back and he’s ready to par-tay!
Ready to hit the cove!
Okay, you can’t see Skeet, but he’s covered in grease or coal dust. He’s like a welder or a miner. Something blue collar and all-American. Skeet is short for Skeeter, which is the nickname the gang gave him when they were little. So yeah, it’s the nickname of a nickname. They’re tight. Notice they are going to the “the cove” instead of “the residents-only town beach spot where the young people hang out,” because if you’re a young person you better believe you know about the cove.
Stop by the Tasty Freeze for a twist cone!
Beatrice says she’s lactose intolerant, so she didn’t get anything, but the vibes are tight and we’re feeling alright.
I stole the Tasty Freeze bit from a John Cougar Mellencamp song, but no one will ever know. Location specificity helps the listener paint a mental picture. That’s one of my many songwriting tricks. Also, we’ve all seen Beatrice eat yogurt and drink a big glass of milk but we won’t call out her attention-seeking behavior and kill the mood.
A BUNCH OF CLAPS. SYNTHS MAYBE?
Kent Moneybags wants to tear down the clubhouse.
That’s our summer spot! Where legends are made!
Time to make some flyers for the big show!
We’ll raise enough money to save it!
Whoa! Looks like it’s not all ice cream and downer Beatrice. I’ve introduced conflict. Surprise depth hidden under the infectious beat you’re imagining.
Now for the chorus/rallying cry:
Good Times!
High Fives!
Yeah!
Sunshine and friends!
Remember that song, “Walking on Sunshine”? That was a good song!
Greedy Kent Moneybags was a bit of a buzzkill, so the exciting chorus is a welcome respite. Also, I referenced very popular summer song for people who aren’t feeling this one.
Ol’ Moneybags thinks he can put up a state-of-the-art-non-profit children’s hospital on our party spot!
Not today Moneybags!
Those little babies will have to get their little-to-no-cost cancer treatments somewhere else!
Maybe the babies can hang with us when they are teenagers like we are! The cool babies anyway!
Okay, now I’m conflicted. Maybe Kent Moneybags isn’t so bad? Also, he’s not old, he’s like 36. Teenagers, right?
HAND CLAPS, CHORUS x5, THEN FADE.
Nice, right? Yeah, I like it too. My son hasn’t warmed up to it yet. Sometimes artists fear success.
Other helpful suggestions to help his music career:
Buy a jet. Taylor Swift has one and people seem to like her.
Draw a bunch of stuff on your face like Post Malone. I’m not sure who he is, but he makes Oreos, which is the pinnacle of any musical career.
Ryan can draw a bunch of useful stuff on his face like English to metric conversions and commonly misspelled words. Then people will hang onto his photo as reference.
In conclusion, my son’s music is great and you should check it out. It’s just not “High Fives and Good Times” great. Yet!
Okay. Moving on.
It’s not the heat it’s the humanity.* (kill me.)
Don’t look at the news. It’s way worse than you imagine. If you overheard someone talking about current events or saw a few minutes of news in a waiting room somewhere, I can only assume you’re reading this from under your blanket.
Ram Dass can help a little.
New substack for self-employed creatives.
I’ll Do It Later is my new substack for self-employed creatives who struggle to get their work done. Subscribe and you’ll get my Time Blobbing framework, a simple system to help you manage your time, attention and tasks.
Every week I’ll post a tip from 25 years of me sitting alone in a room.
Topics like:
• How to avoid distractions, like reading this Substack.
• You’re not lazy, you’re just a bad guesser.
• Running to the post office will take no time at all.
• What’s that humming noise?
• How to deal with imposter syndrome for big phonies like yourself.
• Let’s lower those expectations!
• How is it 5 o’clock already?
I’m also making a community of paid subscribers so we can Time Blob together. Don’t roll your eyes.
Plus a running series of my ADHD-fueled side-quests called, “Time Consuming, Expensive and Pointless”
It’s all real. Subscribe here! Do it now! Let me know if Time Blobbing makes sense. Also, sharing this with your creative chums would help me out a lot.
Next post tomorrow.
Oh! I just turned in the second book in the Bearsuit Turtle Series!
Drink water everyone.
* I stole this joke from my friend Karl. He wrote, “It’s not the heat it’s the hilarity” when we worked together at Comedy Central.
I’m time blobbing right now! Well, I was until I started getting distracted and read this post, but I’ll get back to it in a minute! I love your time blobbing idea and am going to implement it this week - thanks for sharing!
Thanks for distracting me from work with your hilarious substack post 🥸😂 and the ‘Bear suit turtle’ book looks so fun 🤩 👏