How to write a runaway smash hit song and never work again. đȘđŠ đ„
Also, dealing with feeling powerless.
Free million dollar song idea, dealing with an ocean of suffering, help for self-employed creatives, Bearsuit Turtle 2.
I wrote my musician son a song and he doesnât want it. You guys can have it.
My son Ryan is a talented musician and songwriter. His newly released indie rock album features catchy hooks, thoughtful lyrics and is on a loop in my head. One of my favorite tracks is,âDerivativeâ which he assures me isnât about my career.
Or you can buy it here on Bandcamp.
I am incredibly proud of my son, but his album will never catch on. As good as it sounds, it lacks a youth-affirming summer anthem designed to catch fire in the pop charts.
Fortunately, his father is a very talented writer.
Ready?
GOOD TIMES AND HIGH FIVES
VERY GOOD MUSIC PLAYS. DRUMS MAYBE?
Cruisnâ round town with the top down!
Cruising is teen slang for âdrivingâ and âtop downâ suggests a convertible of some type. âRound,â âTown,â and âDownâ all rhyme, so itâs a non-stop party right out of the gate.
Picking up Skeet at the end of his shift!
Toss his tool box and thermos in the back and heâs ready to par-tay!
Ready to hit the cove!
Okay, you canât see Skeet, but heâs covered in grease or coal dust. Heâs like a welder or a miner. Something blue collar and all-American. Skeet is short for Skeeter, which is the nickname the gang gave him when they were little. So yeah, itâs the nickname of a nickname. Theyâre tight. Notice they are going to the âthe coveâ instead of âthe residents-only town beach spot where the young people hang out,â because if youâre a young person you better believe you know about the cove.
Stop by the Tasty Freeze for a twist cone!
Beatrice says sheâs lactose intolerant, so she didnât get anything, but the vibes are tight and weâre feeling alright.
I stole the Tasty Freeze bit from a John Cougar Mellencamp song, but no one will ever know. Location specificity helps the listener paint a mental picture. Thatâs one of my many songwriting tricks. Also, weâve all seen Beatrice eat yogurt and drink a big glass of milk but we wonât call out her attention-seeking behavior and kill the mood.
A BUNCH OF CLAPS. SYNTHS MAYBE?
Kent Moneybags wants to tear down the clubhouse.
Thatâs our summer spot! Where legends are made!
Time to make some flyers for the big show!
Weâll raise enough money to save it!
Whoa! Looks like itâs not all ice cream and downer Beatrice. Iâve introduced conflict. Surprise depth hidden under the infectious beat youâre imagining.
Now for the chorus/rallying cry:
Good Times!
High Fives!
Yeah!
Sunshine and friends!
Remember that song, âWalking on Sunshineâ? That was a good song!
Greedy Kent Moneybags was a bit of a buzzkill, so the exciting chorus is a welcome respite. Also, I referenced very popular summer song for people who arenât feeling this one.
Olâ Moneybags thinks he can put up a state-of-the-art-non-profit childrenâs hospital on our party spot!
Not today Moneybags!
Those little babies will have to get their little-to-no-cost cancer treatments somewhere else!
Maybe the babies can hang with us when they are teenagers like we are! The cool babies anyway!
Okay, now Iâm conflicted. Maybe Kent Moneybags isnât so bad? Also, heâs not old, heâs like 36. Teenagers, right?
HAND CLAPS, CHORUS x5, THEN FADE.
Nice, right? Yeah, I like it too. My son hasnât warmed up to it yet. Sometimes artists fear success.
Other helpful suggestions to help his music career:
Buy a jet. Taylor Swift has one and people seem to like her.
Draw a bunch of stuff on your face like Post Malone. Iâm not sure who he is, but he makes Oreos, which is the pinnacle of any musical career.
Ryan can draw a bunch of useful stuff on his face like English to metric conversions and commonly misspelled words. Then people will hang onto his photo as reference.
In conclusion, my sonâs music is great and you should check it out. Itâs just not âHigh Fives and Good Timesâ great. Yet!
Okay. Moving on.
Itâs not the heat itâs the humanity.* (kill me.)
Donât look at the news. Itâs way worse than you imagine. If you overheard someone talking about current events or saw a few minutes of news in a waiting room somewhere, I can only assume youâre reading this from under your blanket.
Ram Dass can help a little.
New substack for self-employed creatives.
Iâll Do It Later is my new substack for self-employed creatives who struggle to get their work done. Subscribe and youâll get my Time Blobbing framework, a simple system to help you manage your time, attention and tasks.
Every week Iâll post a tip from 25 years of me sitting alone in a room.
Topics like:
âą How to avoid distractions, like reading this Substack.
âą Youâre not lazy, youâre just a bad guesser.
âą Running to the post office will take no time at all.
âą Whatâs that humming noise?
âą How to deal with imposter syndrome for big phonies like yourself.
âą Letâs lower those expectations!
âą How is it 5 oâclock already?
Iâm also making a community of paid subscribers so we can Time Blob together. Donât roll your eyes.
Plus a running series of my ADHD-fueled side-quests called, âTime Consuming, Expensive and Pointlessâ
Itâs all real. Subscribe here! Do it now! Let me know if Time Blobbing makes sense. Also, sharing this with your creative chums would help me out a lot.
Next post tomorrow.
Oh! I just turned in the second book in the Bearsuit Turtle Series!
Drink water everyone.
* I stole this joke from my friend Karl. He wrote, âItâs not the heat itâs the hilarityâ when we worked together at Comedy Central.
... and well done, Ryan! Great album. I hear influences of Weezer, Interpol, and The Pixies. Solid collection of alt rock songs. đ
This is turning into my favorite newsletter.