Can cookies save me? 🍪?

No. 🧇🧇🧇 + 🍕🍕🍕

The life of a children’s author isn’t all barefoot and houseboats like Shel Silverstein would have you believe. Some supplement our income with school visits and settlements from falling in Walmart. Others have an unrelated side hustle that provides a modest yet steady cash flow between book advances. When choosing a side hustle, picking something you enjoy is essential, as it will take time away from making your beloved books.

So I’ve decided to sell cookies.

During an audit of my workday, I noticed I eat a lot of cookies. Sensing an opportunity, I set up a makeshift bakery in a corner of my studio. I’m the only one here, so even with no market research, I know that 100% of potential customers love cookies. The kiosk relies on the honor system since I probably have important author work to do and can’t sit there all day. I leaned heavily on my design background and made a colorful sign with a fancy number five. You probably think I traced it. I didn’t. As a convenience to customers, hand sanitizer and paper towels are available.

Placing the kiosk by the door was clever of me. I’m either running an errand and need some quick energy or returning from one and need a reward. Today’s selection consists of eight individually wrapped biscotti priced at five dollars each. Some quick back-of-the-envelope math tells me I should clear between $150 and $200 by the end of the day.

Okay. The kiosk has been open for a couple of hours. I think I’ll dip into the till and grab some lunch.

That’s odd. Two biscotti are missing, but there is no money in the jar. I remember walking by and thinking five dollars was too much for a store-bought biscotti and that the janky display didn’t do much to enhance the customer experience. Then I remember eating biscotti.

Checking in later, I notice that sales seem brisk, but the coffers are empty. The jar is down to four biscotti, and I have a stomach ache. It must be the adrenaline high of being a new small business owner.

This is ridiculous. There are two biscotti left, and I haven’t made a dime. I don’t know what’s going on. I have to slash prices to break even. I came up with “Biscotti Blowout” at the last minute and had to write it in small. Writers like me get good ideas like that all the time. A basic ethics lesson was an unfortunate addition. The note obscures the playful face of the cookie jar, but too bad. When the stealing stops, they get the whimsy back.

What is going on? Somebody around here has sticky fingers. Not me. Mine smell like chocolate and espresso. Now, there’s no biscotti to have with my tea. And get this, I feel a little sleepy. I can’t bounce back from a day like today, not even with a nap. Nothing ever works out for me, and my life is harder than anyone else’s.

Zach gets everything.

Hey! My friend Zach Ohora developed a show for PBS called Carl the Collector. It’s a gorgeous show that beautifully captures Zach’s style. I was fortunate enough to write a couple of episodes as did much-better-writer-than-me, Kelly DiPucchio. Check it out if you like cool things that are good.

Check it out!