First, complaining works!
Famous Amos stopped making their classic chocolate chip cookies a couple of years ago. They switched to fancy flavors while raising the price for fewer cookies. Famous Amos was dead to me.
I didn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I advocated for my cause by mumbling, “This is bullsh**,” whenever I saw these new, bullsh** cookies.
It worked! Being an unpleasant malcontent made my dreams come true.
The bakers at the Famous Amos factory changed back to the original recipe! They also raised the price for fewer cookies.
I’d like to share some of my favorite grocery store cookies to celebrate. These cookies trick you into thinking things are okay even though they’re not.
Famous Amos.
I had just left for the hospital when my brother called to tell me my Dad had died. When I stopped crying, I drove to the grocery store for a box of Famous Amos. Then I shoveled them into my mouth in my parked car. I still felt sad, but now I also felt sick.
They are crunchy and have a nice caramelized flavor. And they’re small, so a whole package is like half a regular cookie.
Okay.
Stella Doro Swiss Fudge cookies.
Good if you maybe just read the news.
Here’s the commercial for Swiss Fudge Cookies from when I was a kid in the 1940s.
These are simple thumbprint-style cookies with a big dollop of shiny fudge on top. How are they? Just okay! But doesn’t that chocolate look good?
I told my friend that my favorite thing about being a grown-up is eating these cookies whenever I want. They were the fancy cookies when I was a kid. He looked at me and said, “Wait, you mean those cookies your Mom would get as an after-school snack?”
Okay, Richie Rich! Sorry we didn’t all grow up in a mansion with butlers and peacocks!
Anyway.
I don’t know how they do it, but the first dozen or so taste pretty good if you get them down fast enough, but the last eight taste like chemicals and you feel gross. I tried to outsmart the Swiss Fudge algorithm by starting from the opposite side of the tray, but it didn’t work. It’s elfin magic from the hollow tree!
Oh my gosh.
Here is your gift for reading this far. Here are the best packaged cookies in the whole wide world.
Nutella Biscuits.
These Nutella cookies. Little shortbread tartlets filled with Nutella. So good. I worry about America’s tenuous political relationship with Italy. If trade agreements fall apart, are these the first to go? They make the cookies with a special machine. A special Italian machine in Italy. I bet it’s big and under a tablecloth so no one can see. And there’s a keep out sign, but in Italian. At the end of the shift, I bet they go for coffee, pizza, and gelato.
Sounds nice.
They’re on sale at my grocery store right now. Hold on, I’ll go get a bag.
Oh, keep out is, “tenere fuori”. So if you see that sign in Italy, go inside. It’s a cookie machine!
BOB SHAPES!
Back in stock! Finally!
Now with a free refrigerator magnet! Display your Bob Shape art!
Click here to order your own set of Bob Shapes!
New book.
The pandemic was a time of great fear and uncertainty. I exploited that by tricking superstar illustrator Jarvis into drawing a book I wrote. You can’t see me, but I am reeling in an imaginary fishing pole as a metaphor for my scam. Anyway. It came out last week and it’s terrific. It’s about a Penguin who wants to go to sleep and a Lion who wants one more story. Lion keeps “accidentally” waking Penguin. Since he’s up, how about a story?
Jarvis created a loose, expressive, colorful world of spontaneity and joy. I’m jealous even though my name is right there on the front.
Here are a couple of drawing sheets Jarvis made! Download them below!
Download them now!
Thanks, everyone.
Love
,
bob
No problem! Big fan of hobnobs. Also digestive biscuits. Jammie dodgers looked promising, but they tasted a bit fake.
I used to like cookies. Then I got old. Now I chain eat Werther's Original Soft Caramels, but I have to let them melt in my mouth because my old teeth will come out if I chew them. Oh, here's a Nutella cookie hack for you. Dip the Nutella cookies in Nutella just before eating them. And by dip I mean use them as mini shovels.